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Meekies Worries May My Pain Prevent Yours Previous Meekie-isms: ODOBAN IS THE MAN! Okay this one has several points so pay attention! Odoban is a brand of products that can be found at walmart among other places and i have found two different Odoban products quite helpful. One is just plain Odoban. I guess its short for Odor Ban. Anyway people have different hygiene preferences and sometimes people smell strong and if you want to eliminate that odor you can use Odo Ban. It doesnt smell all beautiful like Febreeze, but itdoes actually WORK to remove the odor.And eventually it doesnt smell at all, so it doesnt have the lasting "smell" of febreeze. Anyway, Meekie now has a puppy - Hattie. My Hattie dog is in her chewing stage. Chew everydamnthing stage. Guess what? Odoban makes a product called Bitter Barrier. After seeing my Hattie had started chewing the chair legs i bought bitter barrier and sprayed everything, Does it work? i dont know! I havent seen her chew the stuff anymore but what I DO KNOW, Bitter Barrier needs to be put in PILL FORM. Why? well you know meekie. I managed to get some in my mouth. Oh yeah. Its not bad like the mace i got on my face (see previous meekieisms), but this stuff is so nasty that you dont want to eat. Not eat anything. I am a big girl ya'll and i LOVE to EAT. But after getting some of this on my tongue i was NOT HUNGRY. For reals. Forget Biggest Loser and all that damn hard exercise to lose weight. OdoBan needs to be putting this "thit" into PILL FORM! It says its "safe" sooooooo. I havent started using it daily or anything but i do wonder if the next time i get all depressed about being big if maybe i shouldnt start spraying it on my tongue or something. My Friend, Listerine: You know, in some of those old timey movies they have people selling tonics or cure alls, well Listerine is the real deal. It really does do a lot more than freshen breath. Meekie was not blessed with beautiful skin, and eventually the cystic acne got bad enough that the dermatologist recommended accutane. Meekie took accutane for six months ( I strongly reccommend accutane for those with severe problems, it does more than fix the pimples and cysts, it stops the dandruff, it dries out your over oily skin, it stops the itches in itchy places, it truly makes your skin BEAUTIFUL) Now, meekies about 18 months POST accutane and life is going back to less than beautiful skin. Dandruff is coming back, itchy scalp coming back, etc. Listerine poured onto the scalp really actually helps with dandruff and itchiness. But guess what, thats not all. Meekies is a big beautiful lady, and sometimes us big beauties can be more prone to the yeasty beastie because we have more skin and more folds. And in case you didnt know, yeast isnt just for inside the pubic area, it can grow anywhere really on the skin, you know what thrush is? the white stuff in the babys mouth? that be yeast peoples. So anyways guess what else Listerine does? It be great at killin tha yeastie beastie. Now dont get me wrong, it burns like all getout, but if you can stand the burn, then it really will kill off the yeast. Oh the great wonderful things one can learn from listerine! (And i mean the yellow kind that is really nasty flavor, not the nice green or blue stuff, the yellow is more potent for some reason).Why Meekie Never Smoked Pot Meekie was one of those kids that was pretty sheltered or so i think, but when i did learn something, i really learned it and never looked back and never needed to relearn it. When Meekie was about ten years old her parental units had gone to some kind of parent only function and left the meekie with an older sibling. Meekie also had a friend spending the night. Meekies older sibling proceeded to have party time. Meekie and the friend were upstairs at the homeplace playing Nintendo and some chick came upstairs to use the facilities and we were young but we knew something was really like mentally wrong with this chick. She was babbling and giggling and then she wet the floor before making it to the potty. Meekie freaked and screamed at the friend to clean up the mess while the pothead chick giggled her way back downstairs. Well that right there was all Meekie ever needed to know about Pot. It makes people stupid. Meekie needs all her brain cells because meekie is just naturally at a disadvantage most times it seems and why dig your hole any deeper right? Not to mention that getting caught by the Po-Po with that stuff is never a happy ending. Getting Stung only once is impossible: So here we are back to young meekie learning lifes lessons. One important summertime lesson is the Bee. or in my case, the Hornet and The Hornets nest. You see sometimes bees arent up in the bushes or trees, sometimes it seems they will burrow in the ground. Young meekie was across the street at a friends house playing in the back yard when we come across a bee thing (the hornet) and it kept going in and out of this hole. well. kids are cruel, we all know this, so in our minds we could rid the world of a mean bee if we just stuck a stick in the hole and trapped the bee in there. Ah if only life were that easy. It seems that Bees and Hornets have evolved past mean kids. They always have more than one hole. This is what i learned that day. Its no use plugging the hole you see the bee/hornet enter because theres always MORE than ONE. More than one bee AND more than one hole. I received many many hornet stings that day. It is my ONE and ONLY occurance of a Bee sting because damned if i will get near them anymore! I learned my lesson! Thank goodness i wasnt allergic to them or i would have surely died from all the stings i got that day. But it really isnt worth messing with them because theres always more than one bee. Just get the heck away because it does hurt quite a bit and lots of people are allergic to bee stings so its not worth dying for! I would rather look dumb running from one than die from its sting! Ghetto Slip-n-slide When its summertime, and you are ten year old meekie, you see your dad's Tarp in the garage and think to yourself "that looks a lot like the slip-n-slide on those tv commercials!" and there begins todays lesson - There is one big difference between a wet tarp and the Slip-n-slide. A Tarp has these little metal rings around the edge which are for tying the tarp to whatever you are wanting to cover with the tarp. A wet person running full speed then slipping on a wet tarp and sliding over these metal rings can rip off skin at an alarming rate! Please either remove these rings or dont use a tarp as your summer fun in the sun slip-n-slide. Visitation of an old "friend" *Please refer to previous Meekie-ism titled "ask a doctor before trying to fix it yourself" Its only a matter of time before Meekie manages to have some new illness or another All i can say is that people who dont have allergies are truly blessed indeed! So anyway, my old pal the butt itch has recently visited again, and this time i was really getting worried. I was scouring all the VD websites again trying to find any excuse for why my bum was itching so bad. Well i finally found the answer to my problem! Heres a nice tidbit for those with sensitive skin to know about. It seems that those wonderful baby wipes that do so well at making one feel nice and clean again after a big job can sometimes carry some kinda strong ingredients. In fact, those scented ones especially can be pretty bad if you use them too regularly. If your bum is allergic to them then it will itch. And you will scratch.And if you scratch too much you can cause something really awful called an "anal" tear. Which seems to take forever to heal! And these things itch like fire. Like your bum is on FIRE i say. LIKE TWENTY MOSQUITO BITES ON YOUR BUMHOLE I SAY. So PLEASE, PLEASE, let my pain prevent you pain! Dont wipe your bum with scented baby wipes too much! Dont wipe your baby's bum with them too much either for that matter! They are really good for cleaning and dusting around the house though. I know cause by the time i realized my problem i had just bought a pack of like 300. Go Figure. Drive Thrus again/My Pleasure Sooooo. You know why everyone loves Chickfila? Its not just that the sandwiches are pretty good, its that they tend to get the order right. And they say "My Pleasure" to whatever you say, like "welcome to Chickfila i'm meekie and its my pleasure to serve you" I mean who doesnt want to hear that? or when they repeat the order back to you and you say thanks and theres another "my pleasure". So nice. I mean I live in a world where its more likely for hell to freeze over than for my client to say thank you. My pleasure is really nice and pretty cool to boot. Whoever started that should get a raise. Seems like McNastys and Weenies cant even get an order right most of the time. SO even when i am tired of chicken i go back to chickfila for more because who wants to check the bag? I get tired of paying for stuff i didnt order - dont you? Beware the girdle! - Take Scissors Ok Folks, Here is how it is. Sometimes, when one goes shopping for lingeries/underwears, one may come across the girdle. One may think, you know, that really would make me look slimmer. One would think oh i will just grab the next size up from what i normally wear and try it on. One preceeds back to the dressing room. Thats when one gets it over their hips and realizes they cannot get it back off. NOTE: some girdles do not come apart completely! (they may unzip or unbutton or unhook only partially!) One is of course quite embarrassed at this point. Now some of us may have a friend on hand to help. Some of us may be able to phone a friend to come help. Some of us will be able to struggle out of the thing and leave it hanging in the dressing room. Some of us may tear it to shreds trying to get out of it and toss it into the next dressing room and leave real quick. Either way, methinks from now on i may keep a small pair of scissors or little pocket knife in my purse. When Its NOT SAFE for Pepper Spray Guess What? Its not always a good idea to test your pepper spray. A place I work at has a less than desirable person who hangs out in the parking lot sometimes to take one of my coworkers home after work. This un-nice person once said something mildly threatening to meekie so meekie decided she should have some pepper spray. Well you know meekie, I was all proud of my spray and without thinking I just decided I should test the spray. Its not safe to spray pepper spray when the wind blows. Thank Goodness that I barely tapped the trigger so it didnt burn my face much. I got some on my lips which burned for a couple hours and it does taste really bad. So you know the deal, let my pain prevent yours. Please. Dont let my stupidity be for nothing! People in the Library are smart for different reasons. Some People are funny about restrooms. I know I am. I have been working at the same place for over five years now, and I was there, I know 4 months before I felt comfy using the restroom for more than washing my hands. Its one thing if you just have to go do a quickie #1. But i am funny and would prefer to do all my big jobs at home. Unfortunately life doesnt always work this way. There havent been any real problems for me in this area, but i think it is my duty to let you know that if you want a good place to go do your business try the library. The bigger the library the better. If your kids have to go and theres a college nearby take them to the college library, not to McNastys. Dont worry about college kids they arent in the library. Believe me, I know. I went to university for five years and if i had to do some business i could ALWAYS go to the third floor of the library and be TOTALLY alone in the bathroom, and usually was alone on the whole floor of the library where I went to the bathroom. God bless the library. I never even got a library card. They dont ask. They dont care. People got to thinking i worked there and would ask me where stuff was. I was like ohh fifth floor take a left. I never even went to the fifth floor. HAHA! Screw em! I was smart because I knew where there was solitude and a clean toilet after lunch! |